


when we aint on the ice ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

by bloodiedcolors



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Eventual Otabek Altin/Yuri Plisetsky, Like Anime and memes, M/M, Rated M due to strong language, Tags'll update as more chars are added, Will mention various other medias, a lot of innuendos, good luck, group chat au, how does one tag, innuendos, like really strong, literal hell, skype au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-18 14:21:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9388961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodiedcolors/pseuds/bloodiedcolors
Summary: Otabeemovie: What happenedplisetskree: katsudon being a sassy mofoVitya: he told me that I have a voice and that I should use it 3plisetskree: actually you shouldnt use it its annoying as fuckOtabeemovie: Be polite to your elders, YuraVitya: that was a double insult I’mOtabeemovie: :)





	1. the beginning (cue dramatic music accompanied with melancholy storm sounds)

**Author's Note:**

> aY M FIRST FIC
> 
> And it's a shitpost. go me
> 
> NOTE: some mentions of black butler, memes and just trash

_**phi-kachu added katsukillme, plisetskree, otabeemovie, chrisschrissfallinlove, Vitya, GuacamoleHong, americanlion** _

 

**phi-kachu** : WELCOME CHILDREN

 

**plisetskree** : what the fuck it’s 3 am what do you want

 

**phi-kachu** : why are you awake at 3 am

 

**plisetskree** : .

 

**plisetskree:** reasons

 

**Otabeemovie** : Yuri why are you awake in the early morning go to sleep

 

**plisetskree** : SLEEP IS FOR THE W EAK

 

**plisetskree** : I DONT REQUIRE REST

 

**phi-kachu** : OTABEK IS THAT YOU OH MY FUCK

 

**phi-kachu** : YOUR NAME I CANT

 

**Otabeemovie** : Don’t ask

 

**Otabeemovie** : It’s mostly Yuri’s fault okay

 

**plisetskree** : thanks for not picking a more embarrassing name tho

 

**Otabeemovie** : I could’ve put in plisetscreaminganddyinginside

 

**Otabeemovie** : Or Lesbian Sex Plisetsky

 

**Otabeemovie** : but heyyy I didn’t

 

**plisetskree** : oh thank god you didnt that wouldve been unpleasant

 

**katsukillme** : im trying to sleep pls and thank u

 

**phi-kachu** : YUURI

 

**phi-kachu** : MY SON

 

**phi-kachu** : COME ALIVE SWEET KATSUDON

 

**katsukillme** : i thought you were my brother

 

**phi-kachu** : wait i gave birth to my brother

 

**plisetskree** : katsudon’s name is what im asking for right now

 

**Otabeemovie** : Please don’t leave me take me with you

 

**katsukillme** : this family is dysfunctional im disowning you

 

**phi-kachu** : NO WAIT IM SORRY

 

**plisetskree** : why are you guys like this

 

**katsukillme** : honestly i dont even know

 

**phi-kachu** : wait a second,,,

 

**phi-kachu** : YURIO HASNT LEFT YET WHAT A MIRACLE

 

**katsukillme** : wHAT

 

**katsukillme** : NEW RECORD

 

_**plisetskree left** _

 

_**phi-kachu added plisetskree** _

 

**plisetskree** : SHIT

 

**phi-kachu** : once you enter hell there’s no turning back

 

**Vitya** : I HAVE BEEN AWAKENED

 

**Otabeemovie** : same

 

**katsukillme:** NO THE RECORD IS GONE

 

**katsukillme** : oh hi viktor

 

**Vitya** : yUUrI

 

**Vitya** : bRB GOTTA INVADE YOUR ROOM

 

**katsukillme** : oh no

 

**katsukillme** : VIKTOR YOUR ROOM IS BIGGER WHATT EHF UCK

 

**phi-kachu** : wait dont you guys share rooms

 

**plisetskree** : they do they just have separate rooms to question their existence in

 

**plisetskree** : tho yuuri’s room is mostly used for guests

 

**phi-kachu** : how domestic

 

**plisetskree** : viktuuri is way too domestic

 

**katsukillme** : someday ur gonna live up to our domesticated ways yurio :>

 

**katsukillme** : THAT WASNT ME THAT WAS VIKTOR

 

**katsukillme** : choke me dadniabdoa

 

**plisetskree** : whAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS DOING IM CHECKING THIS OUT

 

**phi-kachu** : WAIT NO WHAT IF ITLL RUIN YOUR INNOCENCE

 

**plisetskree** : im back theyre just aggressively cuddling

 

**Otabeemovie** : Sorry I died again I had to get cereal

 

**Otabeemovie** : How does one aggressively cuddle

 

**phi-kachu** : 100% sure yurio’s capable of that

 

**plisetskree** : shhwhshhHSHHWHSHhshh

 

**Otabeemovie** : Have you guys realized the conversation is untitled right now

 

**phi-kachu** : oH YEAH

 

**_phi-kachu has renamed this conversation to “when we aint on the ice_ _( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)”_ **

 

**Otabeemovie** : I’m

 

**Otabeemovie** : I

 

**plisetskree** : that face scars me why

 

**plisetskree** : why is that on the internet

 

**phi-kachu** : honestly why is anything on the internet

 

**plisetskree** : true

 

**katsukillme** : sorry we died i was forcing viktor to watch anime

 

**phi-kachu** : gASP WHICH ONE

 

**Otabeemovie** : ANIME I HEAR??

 

**katsukillme** : calm my children

 

**katsukillme** : it’s black butler

 

**plisetskree** : wHAT IS THIS KUROSHITSUJI I HEAR

 

**katsukillme** : yoU KNOW THE JAPANESE TITLE WHAT A FAN

 

**phi-kachu** : oH MY GOD ISNT THAT THE ONE WHERE HOT DEMON BUTLER AND CUTE SADISTIC 13 YEAR OLD

 

**Otabeemovie** : DONT FORGET THE BEST CHARACTER GRELL

 

**katsukillme** : GRELL OH MY GOD YES

 

**plisetskree** : REUNION OF FANDOM

 

**phi-kachu** : UNITE

 

**phi-kachu** : wait a minute doesnt viktor remind you of sebastian just less mature

 

**plisetskree** : i

 

**plisetskree** : no

 

**plisetskree** : dont you dare ruin my fucking dreams

 

**katsukillme** : haHHA IM DATING VIKTOR SO TECHNICALLY IM DATING SEBASTIAN

 

**plisetskree** : NO FUCK

 

**Vitya** : i’m flattered but I’m pretty sure I’m not as sexy as Sebastian alright

 

**katsukillme** : you’re sexy to me <33

 

**Vitya** : aww you too <33

 

**phi-kachu** : fuck you guys are so gay and sweet

 

**plisetskree** : domestic

 

**phi-kachu** : _you stole my line_

 

**katsukillme** : brb need ice cream

 

**Vitya** : GET ME SOME TOO OKAY BABE

 

**Vitya** : wow how rude >:(

 

**Otabeemovie** : What happened

 

**plisetskree** : katsudon being a sassy mofo

 

**Vitya** : he told me that I have a voice and that I should use it </3

 

**plisetskree** : actually you shouldnt use it its annoying as fuck

 

**Otabeemovie** : Be polite to your elders, Yura

 

**Vitya** : that was a double insult I’m

 

**Otabeemovie** : :)

 

**katsukillme** : Guys.

 

**Otabeemovie** : Oh shit he’s using proper punctuation shit got serious

 

**Vitya** : yes love??

 

**plisetskree** : wow he’s taking forever to type

 

**katsukillme** : According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings arewotheoehhpJgD4YJhCSEdhsj

 

**katsukillme** : FUCK MAKKACHIN KNOWS MY SINS

 

**katsukillme** : NO STOP AAAAAAAJAJANNAAANAAAAAAAA

 

**Vitya** : this is one of the rare times when I question why I’m engaged with you

 

**Vitya** : Brb gotta save his ass

 

**phi-kachu** : *tap his ass

 

**plisetskree** : oH MY GOD

 

**plisetskree** : DID YOU JUST COME ALIVE

 

**plisetskree** : JUST TO FUCKING SAY THAT

 

**Otabeemovie** : I mean, this is Phichit we’re talking about.

 

**plisetskree** : sadly you’re right

 

**Vitya** : don’t worry I did it

 

**Vitya** : I’ve transformed my fiancé into a motionless potato what do I do

 

**phi-kachu** : QUICK

 

**plisetskree** : tell him its over

 

**phi-kachu:** TELL HIM ITS OVER

 

**phi-kachu:** what the fuck

 

**plisetskree** : i

 

**plisetskree** : i need tocry brb

 

**katsukillme** : wHOT TH FUCK YOU CRUEL AND HEARTLESS BASYARDS

 

**plisetskree** : holy fuck

 

**katsukillme** : IF VIKTOR EVER SAYS THAT OM GOMNA HVE A TERRIBLE NEFVOUS BREAKDOWN U ASSES

 

**chrisschrissfallinlove** : I wake up to find I’m in hell.

 

**plisetskree** : ew it’s chris

 

**katsukillme** : ew

 

**phi-kachu** : #anti-chrissquad

 

**Otabeemovie** : The scary part is Chris looks super similar to Christ

 

**katsukillme** : many will be shook by our squads wrath

 

**katsukillme:** wait

 

**katsukillme** : WAIT

 

**katsukillme** : CHRIS FUCK OFF WHY

 

**chrisschrissfallinlove** : be proud of me son

 

_**katsukillme left** _

 

**phi-kachu** : out of all the people, yuuri left

 

**phi-kachu** : what does this mean for humanity???

 

_**Vitya added katsukillme** _

 

**Vitya** : don’t worry guys I’ve brought him back

 

**Vitya** : he’s now currently sulking in a corner being a yurio should I comfort

 

**plisetskree** : you probs should

 

**plisetskree** : wait

 

**plisetskree** : _excuse me_

 

**Otabeemovie** : I know that’s probably rude but you’re not wrong

 

**plisetskree** : BEKA

 

**plisetskree** : I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIEND

 

**plisetskree** : HOW COULD Y OU

 

**Otabeemovie** : I'M SORRY BUT

 

**Otabeemovie** : PEOPLE DON'T ACCEPT OUR PLATONIC FEELINGS

 

**katsukillme** : because we want u to bang

 

**Vitya** : because we want you to fuck

 

**phi-kachu** : because we want u to have children

 

_**plisetskree left** _

 

_**Vitya ejected Otabeemovie from the conversation** _

 

**chrisschrissfallinlove** : What a beautiful, tragic friend story. :' )


	2. daddy~

_**“when we aint on the** **ice** **( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"** _

 

**GuacamoleHong** : IM ALIVE

 

**GuacamoleHong** : WHY ARE THERE AROUND 400 NOTIFICATIONS

 

**americanlion** : y’all are very talkative huh

 

**chrisschrissfallinlove** : If this was real life, we’d all be deaf at this point.

 

**americanlion:** i would like to keep my ears pls ty

 

**Vitya** : HELP ME

 

**GuacamoleHong** : ???

 

**americanlion** : what’s happenin in the nickelfluff household

 

**Vitya** : MY WIFES TRYING TO CHANGE MY NAME

 

**katsukillme** : IM NOT UR DAMN WIFE

 

**chrisschrissfallinlove** : Yet. ;>

 

**GuacamoleHong** : aYYYYYYYYY

 

**Vitya** : CALM LOVE I HAVE ONE

 

**Yuuri’s** **daddy** : i did it

 

**plisetskree** : i think mom’s killing viktor

 

**plisetskree** : ***YUURI

 

**plisetskree** : I MEANT YUURI OK

 

**GuacamoleHong** : LMAO

 

**GuacamoleHong** : WE’RE LEARNING THE TRUTH

 

**americanlion** : THE FAMILY STRENGTHENS

 

**viktor** : YOU’RE FINALLY APPRECIATING YOUR PARENTS

 

**katsukillme** : do u seriously not have any name ideas

 

**viktor** : suggest pls friends thank

 

**americanlion** : icedaddy

 

**GuacamoleHong** : MyHairIsFallingOff

 

**plisetskree** : notmyfuckingparent

 

**Otabeemovie** : Viktor Nickelback

 

**americanlion** : .

 

**GuacamoleHong** : .

 

**plisetskree** : .

 

**viktor** : .

 

**katsukillme** : .

 

**chrisschrissfallinlove** : I come back to see this bullshit.

 

**Otabeemovie** : I’m sorry bye

 

**_Otabeemovie left_ **

 

**_plisetskree added Otabeemovie_ **

 

**plisetskree** : you’re staying here as punishment

 

**chrisschrissfallinlove** : Control your boyfriend, Yurio. We’d really appreciate it.

 

**katsukillme** : ^^^

 

**viktor** : ^^^^^^

 

**plisetskree** : HES NOT MY DAMN BOYFRIEND

 

**plisetskree** : I’D DIE BEFORE I DATE SUCH A DISGRACE

 

**Otabeemovie** : ouch

 

**viktor** : don't worry otabek

 

**Viktor Nickelback** : I got chu

 

**katsukillme** : I’m

 

**katsukillme** : im just not gonna question it anymore

 

**chrisschrissfallinlove** : Probably the best option.

 

**americanlion** : GUYS HELP

 

**americanlion** : GUANG’S RANTING IN CHINESE

 

**americanlion** : WHAT THE FUCK SHOULD I DO

 

**plisetskree** : COMFORT HIM

 

**katsukillme** : uH GIVE HUGS

 

**Viktor Nickelback** : BE A GOOD BOYFRIEND

 

**americanlion** : OKAY BRB

 

**chrisschrissfallinlove** : Great advice Viktor.

 

**Otabeemovie** : Ah yes keep it up

 

**Viktor Nickelback** : aren’t I great dad

 

**katsukillme** : excluding all the times when u almost burned down the kitchen, u are great

 

**_Personal message from katsukillme to Viktor Nickelback_ **

 

**katsukillme** : daddy ;)

 

**Viktor Nickelback** : nOT NOW

 

_**“when we aint on the** **ice** **( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"** _

 

**plisetskree** : HOLY SHIT WAIT

 

**_Personal message from plisetskree to katsukillme_ **

 

**plisetskree** :  _ DID U FUCKING CALL VIKTOR DADDY _

 

**katsukillme** : maybe :>

 

**plisetskree** : IM

 

**plisetskree** : YOU DIDNT JUST CALL IT

 

**plisetskree** : YOU FUCKING  _ MOANED _ IT

 

**plisetskree** : THAT WAS SO FUCKING LOUD OT WENT THROUGH TE WALL

 

**plisetskree** : CAN U NOT MY EARS ARE STILL VIRGINS

 

**katsukillme** : : )

 

**plisetskree** : and i always thought you were a good mom,,

 

_**“when we aint on the** **ice** **( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"** _

 

**chrisschrissfallinlove** : WHAT HAPPENED.

 

**americanlion** : YURIO WHAT

 

**GuacamoleHong** : TELL US WHAT HAPPENED

 

**Otabeemovie** : DID SOMETHING BAD HAPPEN ???

 

**plisetskree** : katsukillme

 

**plisetskree** : more like katsukillerofinnocence

 

**katsukillme** : what a good name idea ill reconsider

 

**plisetskree** : NO PLEASE DONT

 

**Otabeemovie** : What the fuck happened.

 

**phi-kachu** : I HAVE COME ALIVE TO SEE A PROTECTIVE BOYFRIEND TO THE RESCUE

 

**plisetskree** : what u talk bout

 

**Otabeemovie** : Probs just a dream Phichit. You okay?

 

**chrisschrissfallinlove** : I appreciate the attempts to be oblivious, buT YURIO WHAT HAPPENED

 

**plisetskree** : YUURI IS NOT WHAT HE SEEMS

 

**phi-kachu** :  _ a vampire fanfic _

 

**katsukillme** : phichit gives my worried soul life

 

**chrisschrissfallinlove** : WHAT HAPPENED

 

**GuacamoleHong** : I have a hunch

 

**GuacamoleHong** : Did it had something to do with dads bc you guys stopped when it happened

 

**americanlion** : kinky

 

**GuacamoleHong** : yum

 

**plisetskree** : whAT THe fUCK

 

**Otabeemovie** : Why are you guys like this

 

**phi-kachu** : be proud of our sinnuendos

 

**phi-kachu** : innuendos to the point of sheer sin

 

**chrisschrissfallinlove** : That’s my life in one sentence right there.

 

**chrissfallinlove** : Hey. Why don’t we all try to describe our lives in one or two words only?

 

**GuacamoleHong** : sURE

 

**americanlion** : stamp of approval

 

**chrisschrissfallinlove** : I only need two votes we’re doing this.

 

**GuacamoleHong** : Aeweaeeweewaew hi

 

**GuacamoleHong** : Two words right there

 

**americanlion** : trainwreck, yay!!

 

**chrisschrissfallinlove** : virgin sinner

 

**americanlion** : YOURE A VIRGIN??!!

 

**chrisschrissfallinlove** : maybe ;>

 

**americanlion** : jfc

 

**GuacamoleHong** : Come on my children,,, participate in our ritual,,,

 

**katsukillme** : dumpster fire

 

**GuacamoleHong** : oh

 

**Viktor Nickelback** : hot disaster

 

**Viktor Nickelback** : yUURI NO

 

**Viktor Nickelback** : YUURI YES

 

**chrisschrissfallinlove** : Well he ain’t wrong ;)

 

**katsukillme** : chris hes my man ok

 

**chrisschrissfallinlove** : Don’t worry,  _ you’re _ a hot mess

 

**plisetskree** : have a threesome

 

**katsukillme** : NO

 

**Viktor Nickelback** : NO SHARING IN THIS HOUSEHOLD

 

**plisetskree** : im dying

 

**plisetskree** : thats my life

 

**Otabeemovie** : why. why.

 

**Otabeemovie** : That’s also my life

 

**phi-kachu** : ice father

 

**katsukillme** : more superior than  _ daddy _

 

**plisetskree** : katsufuck its time to stop

 

**phi-kachu** : SO RUDE TO UR MOM

 

**phi-kachu** : TERRIBLE SON

 

**katsukillme** : S H O O K !!!!!

 

**GuacamoleHong** : I’m very tired goodnight

 

**americanlion** : i must sleep with bae gnight children

 

**chrisschrissfallinlove** : Bae is a cursed word, please don’t.

 

**americanlion** : *husbando

 

**GuacamoleHong:** We’re not even engaged

 

**GuacamoleHong** : uNLIKE CERTAIN PEOPLE

 

**Viktor Nickelback** : what’re you talking about

 

**katsukillme** : engaged?? never???

 

**plisetskree** : obliviousness™ is our thing

 

**plisetskree** : coPYRIGHT

 

**Viktor Nickelback** : our thing

 

**Viktor Nickelback** : as in

 

**Viktor Nickelback** : you and otabek :>

 

**katsukillme** : gAYYYY

 

**plisetskree** : SHIT

 

**Otabeemovie** : I always thought Yuuri was a kind parent

 

**Otabeemovie** : My life is a  l i e

 

**chrisschrissfallinlove** : Life is a lie, nothing is real.

 

**chrisschrissfallinlove** : Just take out the f in life.

 

**katsukillme** : no im going to have an existential crisis

 

**chrisschrissfallinlove** : I’m also having my quarter-life crisis at the moment so you’re free to join.

 

**plisetskree** : NO

 

**plisetskree** : YUURI NO

 

**Viktor Nickelback** : HES GOING TO TURN INTO A USELESS POTATO AGAIN NO

 

**chrisschrissfallinlove** : Join the dark side…

 

**plisetskree** : the last time he got a crisis he just laid in bed for two days eating stale potato chips and cried himself to sleep

 

**Otabeemovie** : That’s sad

 

**chrisschrissfallinlove** : Okay, nevermind.

 

**chrisschrissfallinlove** : Maybe don’t

 

**chrisschrissfallinlove** : Have one

 

**Viktor Nickelback** : ty friend

 

**katsukillme:** If People Have A Crisis, Then Can A Crisis Have A Person?

 

**plisetskree** : FUCK OFF JADEN SMITH

 

**plisetskree** : VIKTOR WHY ARE YOU ENGAGED TO THIS SHIT

 

**Viktor Nickelback** : If We Can Fuck Off, Can Off Fuck Us?

 

**plisetskree** : im gonna cry bye

 

**katsukillme** : have fun with beka

  
**plisetskree** : die

**Author's Note:**

> i tried very hard okay save me from h ell


End file.
